Extreme Stalking
by Orangeblossom Asakura
Summary: You think stalking is bad? Wait until you hear about Hao Asakura the world's first Extreme Stalker!


**Orange: Hey guys, this is just a small comedy oneshot I randomly came up with when I got bored. Don't ask me where I get my ideas from because honestly I don't actually know. Anyway here is my oneshot Extreme Stalking, By Hao Asakura.**

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**Extreme Stalking**

**By Hao Asakura**

Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person. It is said to be related to harassment or intimidation and a minor form of criminal activity.

Of course none of this applies to Hao Asakura. Anyone who has tried to warn him of this has been burnt to a crisp. Unfortunately for Hao his methods are a form of stalking and his main target is… Yoh Asakura.

Now Yoh didn't know about this for a very long time but when we asked for his opinion on the problem he told reporters '_It's scary to think that I can't even eat an orange without him hiding in a tree somewhere watching my every movement. It's creepy, I mean what if I was in the bathroom and he was there'._

It appears that Yoh didn't like the idea of having his brother follow him all the way across America. Yoh ran into his stalker quite a few times and has proceeded to tell our reporters that none of those times brought back pleasant memories.

For example when Yoh was having a family meeting with his father his stalker brother made an appearance. Now most people would say 'It's not stalking, Hao is just protective over his brother'. However that is not the case here. Yoh had only met his brother a few weeks before this stalking started and since they met Hao has never spoken a single kind word to Yoh. Obviously this shows that they are not close enough to be overprotective of one another.

Many of you are probably wondering what actually happened at this family meeting then, well here is an account from a Manta Oyamada a close friend of Yoh Asakura's.

'_Yoh's father Mikihisa Asakura had appeared before us, us being myself, Yoh, Ren, Horohoro and our other friends. He was about to tell us something when suddenly Hao literally appeared out of nowhere. He started to say some creepy stuff to Yoh like you are the other half of my soul, stolen some of my power yadi yada yada… said something about Yoh needing to become stronger so that he could join him and soon become one again, whatever that means. This is about the third time he has appeared now. The first being when we were waiting to catch the plane and he suddenly appears and attacks us. Once he had defeated us he then introduced himself as simply Hao before telling Yoh that he wanted him to get stronger and join him. The second time was when we were playing with a couple of small spirits. He killed most of them and his excuse was that they were distracting Yoh so he was getting rid of them. I tell you, it's not normal'_

Now from the information we have just learnt it is obvious that Hao has some sort of weird attachment to his 'other half' as he puts it. Now most cases of stalking is following someone for a couple of days to learn information on them or to get their attention. Hao already knows about Yoh and already has his attention so this isn't a normal case of stalking. This is EXTREME STALKING!

Hao appears to have a superior motive for stalking his brother day and night as he has crossed out the normal cases that lead to stalking. The question is, what does Hao want with Yoh Asakura? Does he really want to become one with Yoh in unspeakable ways or does he simply want to set an example to his fellow stalkers?

From what we've heard we have been able to come up with a few guidance steps for extreme stalking all performed originally by Hao Asakura. Here it is:

1)Choose your target, preferably someone you know

2)Observe their every move

3)Watch them while they sleep

4)Follow them wherever they go, even to the bathroom if necessary

5)Climb up trees and sit on rocks to get better views

6)Remember to bring binoculars

7)Make sure you have a handy spirit that can fly so you can follow if your target falls of a cliff or gets a lift in a car, e.g the spirit of fire

8)If your target gets distracted destroy a couple of things to get their attention

9)If you have their attention make a couple of threats before disappearing

10) Always make entries and exits spectacular, fire seems to work incredibly well

11) Say some weird things to freak your target out

It seems that Hao has been a big influence to many stalkers across the globe as they follow in his footsteps. Extreme stalking has risen by at least 40% since Hao gave his example. Is it possible that Hao is planning to take over the world with his army of mad stalkers? Find out more in our next article, The Rising of the Stalkers.

Written by Yuki Hash, Patch Newsletter supernatural reporter.

Hao's scrunched up the newspaper in his hand and set it alight, watching as the ashes blew away with the wind. He shook in anger and his onyx eyes darkened. "I swear if I hear one more comment about stalking I'm going to kill someone" he growled angrily.

"Hey look over there, it's that stalker guy mommy" a little girl cried out from over the street. Instantly all eyes fell on Hao who growled loudly. He glared at the little girl who shrank away and hid behind her mother. Hao stomped out of the café he was in and went straight to the patch village accommodations where he knew his 'brother' was staying.

He ignored the look of protest on Silva's face as he barged through the building until he reached Yoh's room. Hao kicked down the door making Yoh jump in the air in fright. "What did my door ever do to you?" Yoh asked curiously but backed away once he saw the look on Hao's face.

Hao took a menacing step forwards, a sadistic scowl on his face. "What the #!*% did you tell the reporters" Hao spat venomously. Yoh looked at Hao confused. "What are you talking about?" Hao glared at Yoh. "Don't lie, what did you tell them about me stalking you".

"I don't know about any reporters but Anna asked me about what I thought of you appearing everywhere and I think she recorded it, maybe you should ask her. And by the way are you really stalking me or is it just coincidence that we ran into each other about five times?"

A vein popped in Hao's head. "So what if I'm stalking you, how is it different to what anyone else does. I want you to go to those reporters and tell them-" Hao started before he was cut off by a voice saying "Yes so you admit you do stalk your brother". Hao froze and turned his glare onto the small boy hiding in the doorway who quickly ran off. Yoh was stood gaping at Hao. "You actually stalk me, oh my god" he said before fainting in shock.

Hao face palmed. "How did everything go so wrong?"

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**Hao: What the hell Orange? I don't stalk Yoh**

**Orange: No you Extreme stalk Yoh -_^**

**Hao: O_O I DO NOT!**

**Yoh: -_-' I'm not really sure what to make of this**

**Hao: T_T I don't stalk people**

**Orange: Please review and tell me if you want me to do more oneshots or just stick with stories.**

**Hao: I hate you Orange**

**Orange: That's nice**


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